Eagleopolis Falls: Helldivers 2 Players Defeat 2.5 Billion Squids in Opening Battle for Super Earth, Six Mega Cities Remain

Sure, here’s a rewritten version:

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You ever get hit with the question—do you want the good news or the bad news first? Classic setup. So, let’s just dive in with the good, yeah? Helldivers 2 actually pulled off a win of massive proportions, bagging over two billion Illuminate. Like, that’s not even a number you can visualize, right? Yet, here’s the kicker: Eagleopolis still bit the dust.

Wasn’t enough boots on the ground, apparently, to keep one of Super Earth’s legendary Mega Cities from crumbling under that Illuminate onslaught. No biggie, though. Maybe hug your SEAF buddy or, I don’t know, watch someone brave the waves on a Leviathan. Whatever floats your boat.

So, background stuff—in case you missed the memo. The Helldivers, our brave souls, were part of this major offensive that wrapped up just this morning. The big stat on the scoreboard? A cool 2.5 billion Illuminates dealt with. Sounds like a good time, right? WRONG!

Cue Arrowhead, painting a not-so-pretty picture.

“Eagleopolis, oh mighty bastion of Managed Democracy, looking like a post-apocalyptic theme park — minus the rides,” they said. Alright, I’m paraphrasing, but basically saying, “look, guys, one city down; six left on Super Earth. Stay vigilant.”

Now, with only six Mega Cities left, they’re waving the “dig in and don’t let the bad guys in” flag. Illuminate’s fleet is at about 49%, which feels like that time you’re halfway through a really intense video game boss fight, and you still can’t figure out the trick to winning.

Arrowhead’s mission brief is clear: 20 million successful mission extractions to give that fleet a virtual black eye. Oh, and some folks—definitely not me—might be pulling at heartstrings over Eagleopolis on game forums. Like, pay homage by posting fan art of your fave SEAF buddy. (Not saying it’s, like, crossing a line but…)

Anyway, are you shedding a tear over Eagleopolis? Or just wanting more Illuminate to zap away? Feel free to spill.