Okay, so, buckle up because this is going to be a bit of a ride.
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You know that feeling when you’re waiting for something and it just, like, doesn’t happen? That’s La Quimera for you. April 25 was supposed to be its big day, but nope, curveball. Deviated to Early Access out of nowhere on April 29. I mean, who does that? Anyway, what we played is what you’ll get, apparently, so here’s my take.
I’m one of those suckers for cheesy sequels. You know, like the fifth Tremors where you just watch things explode and let your brain chill. La Quimera fits that vibe. It’s not winning any awards for looks or storyline, but if you’re into co-op chaos, it might just charm you. Is it good? Not really. Think of it like Tremors 5: Bloodlines—there but not spectacular.
Nuevo Caracas, our playground, is straight out of a crazy robot apocalypse plot. I swear, walls closing in while corps fight it out, people struggling—sounds like an 80s movie, right? You’re stuck in some corporate mess as a new PMC recruit, leaving a trail of chaos behind. Fun? Maybe. Deep? Not at all.
One thing that actually intrigued me? The Bone Wall. No idea why, but a wall of skeletons just grabbed my attention. A mission takes you through it, and hearing about the desperation from a voice-over—I mean, come on, that’s some heavy stuff.
But oh man, the dialogue—oof. It’s like they tried the Tarantino route but missed. Badly. Dialogues that make you cringe as characters yell out absurdities like, “Oh perfect, robot dogs!” I mean, really?
The storyline? Yeah, it’s about as clear as mud. Something about rescuing a billionaire’s daughter and getting dragged into stuff you didn’t sign up for. And it just ends—poof! But hey, props to the team for pushing through amidst all that’s happening in Kyiv.
La Quimera wears its Crysis influence like a badge. Suit up with cloaks and energy stuff early on. Scan enemies, shoot through walls—it sounds cool, doesn’t it? But the level design? Straight lines, rinse and repeat. I mean, sometimes you just need linear, but the repetition gets old fast. Elevator shootouts? Those were a nice change, though.
Weapons? Basic as it gets—sidearm, shotgun, rifle. You can’t switch it up or grab any epic temporary ones. You’d think picking what to fight with would be strategic, but nah, not really.
Ammo scarcity spices things up a bit while looking for more during fights—that was thrilling, I’ll admit. Especially in those later missions where bullets start feeling precious.
And money, oh boy. Earn it in missions, but spend it on… not much, really. I mean, do I need another generic gun? Not really. Hit max money fast, which is wild because—who relates to that?
Despite everything, co-op mode saved it for me. Laughing at bad dialogues with friends made it worth the cringe. Having extra hands in a fight? Priceless.
It’s a short journey, like four hours tops, but maybe that’s how it’s meant to be. Jump in with a couple of buddies, have a blast, and then you’re out. Sure, it’s incomplete, but for what it is, you get some laughs and at least a few memorable moments.
